I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
How external is "for external use only"?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
