his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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