My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
