and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
