Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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