It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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