I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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