Whod you bang
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He did a backflip because drugs
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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