I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
