I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
