apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
