They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You ruined the universe
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
