i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
