we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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