Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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