I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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