He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
