So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
