you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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