Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
