We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
