I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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