I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
