I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
