i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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