Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
