hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
