id be glad to
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
