You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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