He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
