If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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