Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
