my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
is that a dick in a sweater?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
