When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Couch. On fire.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
