You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
