I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
