I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
