question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
