I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
