I'm going to jail i love you
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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