drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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