walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
