Michael Bay diarrhea
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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