Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
