Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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