well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
