Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
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your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
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So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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