Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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