we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
