she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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