Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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