I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
