It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
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Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
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I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Drunk is not a location!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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