Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
