someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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