Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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