dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
