I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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