Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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