alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
