She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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