Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
