Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
