yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
