You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
