I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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