When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
