So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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