i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
