i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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