Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
