i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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