Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
