Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
why does every cop we meet know your name?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
