I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
