so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
