Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
