I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
