How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
