There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
