I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
